Ramsden Jailed

Andrew Ramsden (21),  a man of previous good character, was sentenced to 15 years imprisonment last night after a two-week long trial.

Pictured: Ramsden entering court, yesterday.

Ramsden, from South Elmsall, West Yorkshire, was found guilty of hijacking and robbing a truck carrying over 15,000 pound’s worth of Farlie’s Rusks. After bludgeoning the the driver unconscious with the butt of a handgun and attaching his penis to the truck’s battery, Ramsden ate all of the rusks before falling asleep listening to a Ladybird audiobook. Strangely, £40,000 in the truck’s safe was left untouched.

Upon sentencing, Judge Derek Deryckere QC remarked “You’ve been a very naughty boy.”

Ramsden at first looked nonchalant, but upon hearing that he would not be allowed to take his collection of Ladybird books to jail with him, burst into tears.

Sam wins award again

For the third year running, group Q member Sam Skrzypczak has won the “Easiest member of the group to draw” award. Battling off stiff competition from old and new group members alike, Sam accepted the award with much graciousness,  qupping “I wouldn’t be so easy to draw if it wasn’t for my curly mane!”

Sam has dominated this award since its introduction in 2004. There was a period after a haircut in 2005 that he might have lost his accolade to bespectacled funnyman Andrew Ramsden. However, his contention for the award has gone from strength to strength since this time after having hair extensions fitted in early 2006.

Comiserations

Last night, A friend of mine, Andrew Ramsden, was making his tea. Tragedy struck though, when the kettle boiled without his knowledge. His parents usually switch off the kettle at the mains when it is not in use, so as to save electricity,which, with the rising prices of crude oil is a good policy. This time, however, the Ramsdens forgot, and Andrew, upon spotting the oversight, went to switch it off. However, in the process of this maneuver, Andrew put his wrist in the rising steam, burning himself.

Ramsden said that while it stung initially, the injury has now toned itself down to mild irritation and a slight redness to the afflicted skin.

It’s nearly the weekend!

Ooo yeah and it’s only two more days before I go to crufts, and I can’t wait. Sarah, my girlfriend, has already made me a stack of my favourite Billy Bear sausage20 (with gradients) sandwiches, cut to have rounded corners, of course. Also I have a thermos flask of weak lemon juice that has an RSS feed to tell me when it’s run out.

I’ve also packed my favourite gradiented, see-thru boxer shorts with RSS feeds to tell me how long it’s been since I washed them. I’m web20 down to my undies, baby!

Great days!

I’ve had the most fantastic of fantastic day today. First off was the buggering Steve about that I wrote of earlier. Then I went into uni and went to an MCE seminar, where I had to work with Dave and my house mate, Bill.

Dave and Bill were being such idiots, making logical suggestions that conflicted with my web20 techniquez. In the end I just switched my ears off and ignored whatever they had to say. Dave kept farting too, but that was ok because his farts smell of freshly-baked gingerbread. All in all, I was teh captain of 0wnership.

If the seminar was good, the walk home was even better. I live about a mile from uni and while I walked home with Dave and Bill, I got to hussle Bill about his project, made him sweat a bit yeeeeeeah!

For dinner tonight, I think I will have some fish fingers, chips and beans. I like the way that fish fingers are a bright orange colour, especially if I eat them on my blue plates. They’re a bit square though. I shall have to invent fish fingers20.

Groupwork is pants

This morning I was feeling kind of ill and tired when I woke up, so for a laugh I rang my groupmate steve and told him I wasn’t coming in for groupwork, and that he could go home. I waited just long enough for him to get across Sheffield back to his house, then told him I wanted to meet with him an hour later than that, meaning Steve had to get straight back on the local train into the city. He later threatened to brutally murder me.

My genius coursemate Dave posted this picture outside of an open access computer lab. It might look like I’m cuddling up to my friend Odo, but it shows off my sensitive side so that might be good for the ladiez.

Stuck

Well I’m a bit stuck with my uni work today so I’m off to see my friend Dave for help. He’s so clever, he should be illegal.

One thing I am tired of: tying my shoelaces. I can’t believe that it’s now the 21st century and still there is no declaritive API available to accomplish this situation. It’s a bit like having to write an accounting program in assembly language!